


Night Mother Dearest

by stale_ale



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Anal Sex, Bad Commercial, Black Stereotyping, Card Games, Cicero being Cicero, Cicero has weird fetishes, Crack, Cringe, Dark Brotherhood - Freeform, F/M, Fallout 3 reference, Fluff, Gambling, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I want to drown my sorrow, I'm so sorry, Necrophillia, Original Title maybe, Rape, Rough Sex, Sandwiches, Skooma, Terrible OC, Vaginal Sex, mild violence, no tomorrow, oof, with my sanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 16:46:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11384280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stale_ale/pseuds/stale_ale
Summary: Looking for Elder Scrolls cancer? Look no further. Be advised, you will never look at zombies, corpses, or jesters the same way ever again.Bring bleach, this is a helluva "fanfiction".





	Night Mother Dearest

**Author's Note:**

> Another retarded fanfic, but it's Skyrim this time. Also, one of my OCs are in this, just be warned. Anyway, here is one more of my putrid fics.
> 
> WARNINGS  
> Necrophilia  
> Crack  
> Mary Sue OC  
> Swearing (obviously)
> 
> JSYK, my Skyrim OC (even though I have multiple of them) is a Khajiit, if her name didn't make that obvious. (Yup, tell everyone that you have a furry OC in Skyrim, that'll definitely boost your popularity.) (Take my advice, kids. Don't make shitty fanfics or OCs. Just do drugs.)
> 
> Good day.

It was an uneventful Turdas in the Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary in Dawnstar, as nobody had prayed to the Night Mother for five hours, if that was even possible. 

Nazir and Babette were feasting on medieval chicken wings, the Listener was out, doing the Divines know what, the torture victims were lying lifeless on the floor, the two new Dark Brotherhood members (both male and female, respectively) were making out, and Cicero, well, who knows what in the name of Oblivion HE was doing. Well, actually, I sadly know what he was doing. He was tapping the Night Mother's ass with some vegetable oil dripping off of his ladylike fingers, preserving her anus. 

"Oh, Night Mother dearest, your preserved, albeit still kinda hideous body looks so damn...." He preformed a motion similar to that of a slinky toy slinking down a staircase, "sexy..." Cicero's eye-liner decorated eyes gleamed with lust. "Oh dear Sithis, why?" The Night Mother asked, stressed because of her having being the corpse that Cicero was going to use for his highly questionable fetishes.

Cicero whipped out his sharpened ebony dagger, just right for stabbing crusted-over vaginas, and said, "I hope you have pet insurance, dearest mother, because your pussy's about to get stabbed six hundred and sixty-six times." Cicero grinned, before drawing his dagger back.

Commercial Break

Are you tired of your womanhood getting stabbed by insane jesters? Are you ready to get insurance to cover your pussy from harm by paying only over nine thousand gold a week? Then don't fear, John the Jackass here! We can protect your private parts for a reasonable price, just as long as you sign this contract that binds you for life, even if you don't want to. We'll just forge your name on the contract anyway! We will also take all of your family members so we can use them as slaves for our company if you can't cover the cost!

And remember, anybody who is a male who comes asking for our feminist insurance plan, we will saw his dick off and shove it down his throat! What a good deal, huh?

I'm a dealer for the women!

(Oh God, that was horrible, why'd I add that?)

And now back to stale ale's happy, definitely family-friendly fanfictions on Disney XD!

 

Kit'teh, after pointlessly killing several people across Skyrim, (Well, okay, maybe it wasn't pointless, she just murdered the usual targets for the Dark Brotherhood and people who pissed her off, like, for instance, Njada Stonearm, those two high elf bitches from Radiant Raiment, possibly From-Deepest-Fathoms, and probably Nazeem) went back to the secret entrance into the Sanctuary.

The Khajiit soon found out that Nazir, Babette, and those two nameless freaks were gone, like, vanished. Kit'teh looked around. "Meh, they probably went to the Abandoned Shack to party without me." The furry sighed, suddenly questioning why she was still here, even after saving everyone's butts from Alduin and having no one thanking her, not even that dumbass jester she spared two years ago.

"Oh, Night Mother..." Cicero moaned, just a little too loudly, catching Kit'teh's attention. "The fuck?" She whispered, going into ninja mode and sneaking up the stairs to see what the hell that sound was. 

And then, she saw the unimaginable. Cicero without his clothes on. She felt a bit of bile go up her throat as she looked at what Cicero was doing. He was legit stabbing the Night Mother's crotch with his dagger. "Oh, by the nine, why?" She asked quietly, holding back her tuna sandwich from that afternoon. 

"Listener, save me..." Without thinking, Kit'teh drew her bow, coated an arrow with a deadly paralyzation poison, and shot Cicero in the back of the knee and he promptly fell over. Kit'teh ran over to him, grabbed his clothes, and threw them on him. "When you're done being paralyzed, you are to go to your room and cover up your jester ass. And after you're done, we are going to have a family meeting! You disgusting, degrading, kinky piece of clown shit!" Cicero said nothing, for his mouth was fu- I mean, because he was obviously, figuratively and literally paralyzed.

\- Time Skip -  
After everybody in the Dark Brotherhood (reluctantly) gathered around the main table, Kit'teh started to explain as to why everyone was there.

"So, you guys may be wondering why you're here. The answer is simple. Cicero was raping the Night Mother's corpse, and we are going to make him pay the price for his-" Kit'teh gagged, "'actions.'" 

Nazir, otherwise known as Three-Dog, threw his blunt away and asked, "Well, wouldn't it violate the first Tenet?" Kit'teh held a hand to her chin in thought, "I don't know, I guess I'll have to go and ask our mother." 

Kit'teh nonchalantly made her way up the stone steps, and went to the Night Mother's coffin. "Yo mom, whazzup??????" She asked memeily and stupidly. "I was just wondering if what Cicero did to you would count as dishonoring you. So... would it?" A few seconds passed. Nothing. Kit'teh waited five minutes. STILL nothing. 

Kit'teh huffed. "Fine, I don't need your answers! I bet you enjoyed having that psychopathic jester ram his knife up your unholy ass anyway!" She sped-walked angrily away, rubbing her temples. She knew she could never be able to get that picture out of her head, the way Cicero gripped the hilt of his dagger and shoved it so quickly and passionately up into the womb of their Unholy Matron... it just made her want to barf all over again.

He was literally a stupid mother fucker.

Cicero had to die. There was no other option. She felt a little sad for a moment, he had saved her ass multiple times in their adventures, he had almost been to hell and back with her. He trusted her, and she trusted him... for the most part. She shared all of her carrots and sweetrolls with him, they had precisely 783,640 skooma trips with eachother, and she and him went to Blackreach and slaughtered Falmer as well as their sex slaves together.

They were pretty much best friends. But that didn't matter. What did matter was that he raped the Night Mother, and he had to face the consequences. 

She then went back to the table. "So... what did our Unholy Matron say? Is poor Cicero excused?" Kit'teh looked deeply into Cicero's shit-brown eyes, and replied, "I'm afraid not." Cicero began to cry, "B-but, Listener! We've been through 783,640 skooma trips together! Surely that means something to you!" Kit'teh sighed, "Believe me, bro, that one time we went through Mzinchaleft on skooma was one of the best trips that I've ever had. But shoving your dagger into the Night Mother's ass and cunt is, well, unacceptable. So," A tear went down her cheek, but got absorbed by her fur, "you're going to have to die." 

"Finally," Nazir started, "no more My Little Pony on our non-existent TV again! Thank da lawd- I mean, The Dread Father!" Cicero chuckled. "You forgot just one thing..." Babette asked, "And what is that?" He looked up. "I'm essential." Nazir, Babette, and the two Dark Brotherhood initiates looked over to Kit'teh.

"Well, shit. There's nothing we can do to stop you then." "Exactly." She sighed. "Well, who wants to play Go Fish?" 

And they all played Go Fish, murdered people for money, and lived semi-happily ever-after. The End. *Snow White ending music plays*

**Author's Note:**

> I love how legit no one gave a fuck that the Night Mother's corpse was treated sexually except for my OC.


End file.
